John, the first step is having a cool fortress


I think we all can agree that this is better than a mountain lair in Switzerland. Sure Switzerland has cachet but what is a mountain lair if 007 never shows up. At least my fortress was scaled by Sean Connery himself. Okay, I don’t have sharks with lasers but I do have a moat with ninjas. Ninjas beat trilingual minions cold.

Dear John, if you are going to take over the world it is best not to have Zeke and Timmy as henchmen. But I do envy the Swiss Cowbell Torture though.

 

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23 Responses to John, the first step is having a cool fortress

  1. 10 Cents10 Cents says:

    For those not in on the joke, the standard gag on AMU has been Jean Flâneur, AKA JW, is planning to take over the world from a Swiss mountain.

  2. Avatarctlaw says:

    But does that place have Dober-Corgis?

  3. John Walker says:

    >> Sure Switzerland has cachet but what is a mountain lair if 007 never shows up. At least my fortress was scaled by Sean Connery himself.

    And he got in, didn’t he?

    What’s the better lair, the one Bond scaled, or the one he never tried to?

  4. John Walker says:

    By the way, what’s with the upturned corners on roofs you see so often in oriental architecture? Are they purely a design feature, or do they / did they have a functional purpose?

  5. AdministratorAdministrator says:

    I’m going to hazard that whatever “cultural” explanations may seep forth, it’s a result of cantilevering a longer distance to the diagonal than for most of the roof line. The support under the corners is intricate and layered. More layers, thicker, roof goes up.

  6. 10 Cents10 Cents says:

    Funny anecdote: I was visiting this place with a friend and they wanted to buy some Bond related souvenirs and I asked at the gift shop. The young staff didn’t know about the Bond picture that was filmed there but they asked the owner and she knew the movie. She mentioned that during the filming the crew scaled the castle and they had trouble fixing the damage. I thought, “Way to go 007! Defacing a National Treasure.”

  7. AdministratorAdministrator says:

    Anybody here know what John’s Lair looks like? Didn’t think so. That’s why it doesn’t get scaled. OPSEC.

    • 10 Cents10 Cents says:

      We saw pictures from J from England. Hmmm, J from England. This person also turned up in Japan. (Who world travels like this? MI6?) Is J’s last name start with B?

      You don’t need to scale when they invite you into the lair to take pictures.

      BTW, Timmy is the head of OPSEC for John. It is better than have him coding.

    • John Walker says:

      If I told you, I’d have to kill you.

      Burn before reading:

      http://www.fourmilab.ch/entrenous/Fourmilab_tour.pdf [4.6 Mb PDF]

      (This is from my “Fireside Chat” at the April, 2001 Hackers’ Conference in Santa Rosa, California. Obviously, a few things have changed, especially in computing and communications hardware, in the subsequent 16 years.)

  8. Avatarctlaw says:

    By standards of evidence tougher than those used by the MSM regarding allegations against President Trump and conservatives, intelligence tells me the lair is defended at 1km perimeter by retired Texas Rangers and is sufficiently well defended that the last failed attack had to be by an Israeli spy bird on a suicide mission:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Israel-related_animal_conspiracy_theories

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