{"id":1980,"date":"2017-02-24T01:15:18","date_gmt":"2017-02-23T16:15:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/balldiamondball.com\/blog\/?p=1980"},"modified":"2017-07-06T17:46:25","modified_gmt":"2017-07-06T08:46:25","slug":"where-to-retire","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/balldiamondball.com\/blog\/where-to-retire\/","title":{"rendered":"Where To Retire"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span>You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona <\/u>where \u2026<\/span><\/span><\/u><\/u><\/p>\n

\n

1.\u00a0 You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.<\/span><\/span>
\n2.\u00a0 You’ve experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.<\/span>
\n3.\u00a0 You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.<\/span>
\n4.\u00a0 You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.<\/span>
\n5.\u00a0 You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.<\/span>
\n6.\u00a0 The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??<\/span><\/span><\/u><\/u><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\nOR<\/span><\/u><\/u><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\nYou can retire to California <\/u>where …<\/span>
\n1.\u00a0 You make over $450,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.<\/span>
\n2.\u00a0 The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.<\/span>
\n3.\u00a0 You know how to eat an artichoke.<\/span>
\n4.\u00a0 When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. <\/span><\/span>
\n5.\u00a0 The four seasons are:\u00a0 Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.<\/span><\/u><\/u><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\nOR<\/span><\/u><\/u><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\nYou can retire to New York City <\/u>where …<\/span>
\n1\u00a0\u00a0 You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.<\/span>
\n2.\u00a0 You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.<\/span>
\n3.\u00a0 You think Central Park is “nature.”<\/span>
\n4.\u00a0 You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.<\/span>
\n5.\u00a0 You’ve worn out a car horn.\u00a0 (IF you have a car.)<\/span>
\n6.\u00a0 You think eye contact is an act of aggression.<\/span><\/span><\/u><\/u><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\nOR<\/span><\/u><\/u><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\nYou can retire to Minnesota <\/u>where … <\/span>
\n1.\u00a0 You only have three spices:\u00a0 salt, pepper and ketchup.<\/span>
\n2.\u00a0 Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.<\/span>
\n3.\u00a0 You have seventeen recipes for casserole.<\/span>
\n4.\u00a0 Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.<\/span>
\n5.\u00a0 The four seasons are:\u00a0 almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair. <\/span>
\n6.\u00a0 The highest level of criticism is “He is different,”\u00a0 “She is different,” or “It was different!”<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/u><\/u><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\nOR<\/span><\/u><\/u><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\nYou can retire to The Deep South <\/u>where … <\/span>
\n1.\u00a0 You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.<\/span>
\n2\u00a0 “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.<\/span>
\n3.\u00a0 “He needed killin” is a valid defense.<\/span>
\n4.\u00a0 Everyone has two first names:\u00a0 Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.<\/span>
\n5.\u00a0 Everything is either:\u00a0 “in yonder,”\u00a0 “over yonder”\u00a0 or “out yonder.<\/span><\/span>\u201d<\/span><\/u><\/u><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say “Bless his heart\u201d at the end!<\/span><\/u><\/u><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\nOR<\/span><\/u><\/u><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\nYou can move to Colorado <\/u>where … <\/span>
\n1.\u00a0 You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.<\/span>
\n2.\u00a0 You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.<\/span>
\n3.\u00a0 A pass does not involve a football or dating.<\/span>
\n4.\u00a0 The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.<\/span><\/span><\/u><\/u><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\nOR<\/span><\/u><\/u><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\nYou can retire to Nebraska <\/u>or Kansas <\/u>where…\u00a0 <\/span>
\n1.\u00a0 You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.<\/span>
\n2.\u00a0 Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.<\/span>
\n3.\u00a0 You have had to switch from “heat” to “A\/C” on the same day.<\/span>
\n4.\u00a0 You end sentences with a preposition;\u00a0 “Where’s my coat at?” <\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0<\/span>
\nOR<\/span><\/u><\/u><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\nFINALLY you can retire to Florida <\/u>where … <\/span><\/span>
\n1.\u00a0 You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.<\/span><\/span>
\n2.\u00a0 All purchases include a coupon of some kind – even houses and cars.<\/span>
\n3.\u00a0 Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.<\/span>
\n4.\u00a0 Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.<\/span>
\n5.\u00a0 Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.<\/span><\/span><\/u><\/u><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u00a0<\/u><\/u><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\r\n
\r\n \r\n <\/i>\r\n <\/a>\r\n <\/span>\r\n<\/div>
\r\n \r\n <\/i>\r\n <\/a>\r\n <\/span>\r\n<\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona <\/u>where \u2026<\/u><\/u><\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2.\u00a0 You’ve experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3.\u00a0 You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4.\u00a0 You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5.\u00a0 You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6.\u00a0 The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??<\/u><\/u><\/p>\n

OR<\/u><\/u><\/p>\n

You can retire to California <\/u>where …
1.\u00a0 You make … Continue reading → <\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2453,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1980","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/balldiamondball.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1980","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/balldiamondball.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/balldiamondball.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/balldiamondball.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2453"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/balldiamondball.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1980"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/balldiamondball.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1980\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1981,"href":"https:\/\/balldiamondball.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1980\/revisions\/1981"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/balldiamondball.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1980"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/balldiamondball.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1980"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/balldiamondball.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1980"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}