Magical ‘Soulmate’ Thinking Destructive, Of Course

An opinion piece in the Washington Examiner ponders survey results or something which indicate that a majority of Americans believe in “The One” true love for whom they are destined.  Gag me with a bouquet.  My wife has a fairly broad romantic streak which I find adorable, but sometimes the line “Marriage isn’t magic — it takes real work to make it work, and this is one of those times,” has been the towtruck to pull us back from the brink.

How the soulmate myth is dividing the country

The opiner quotes from some study:

“At their core, soulmate beliefs provide a backwards depiction of the sequencing of healthy relationship development,” the authors of the report write. “They suggest that someone exists as your One-and-Only before you have even met; therefore, relationship success is primarily about simply finding that person.”

“Soulmate thinking diverts attention away from a fundamental truth of loving and lasting marriage,” the report continues. “That oneness is made, not found.”

Yes, that’s what I’ve said for decades, uh, when necessary.  This is the destructive aspect:

After all, if this person is my soulmate, our lives together should be effortless. If there is any trouble at all, he or she cannot be the one.

Here’s a tidbit that misses the point a little bit:

A whopping 70% of Democratic women say they would not even consider dating someone who had a different view of Donald Trump than they did. That eliminates a lot of otherwise compatible men from the list.

The missed point is that political stance is not trivial and unconnected to compatibility.  I feel that this is a common assumption, made by people who take either politics or relationships or both not too seriously.  Or they are serious, but not too bright about things.  Politics is the single most effective shorthand that we have for establishing compatibility.  A leftist is a leftist first and anything else second.  Don’t believe me?  Get into a relationship with one and watch your identity be destroyed until it serves the needs of your leftist “partner”.  Marrying or siginificantly dating a leftist makes you a hostage to the things that you want, as rationed in accordance with your political capitulation.

The second thing a man should establish when assessing the value of a romantic prospect is her politics.  Right after a package check.

This may seem contradictory — primacy of politics or primacy of hard work?  There are some problems which no amount of hard work will rectify.  See Boxer the Horse (Animal Farm) for an illustration of well-intended, committed hard work being welcomed by the left.  A serious difference in politics bound into a committed relationship will result in the destruction of one of the two people.  So don’t get into that situation.  Marry your own kind of girl, or suffer.  As they say, “Sin in haste, repent at leisure.”

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